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It’s been awhile.
I was going to write in November, but some great things were going on with me and my family, and I just wanted to enjoy them. After writing online for as long as I have been, I was feeling a little burned out.
After Thanksgiving, I wanted to write, but I every year I try to make all of my Christmas presents and I was also fulfilling Etsy orders for the holidays. Every free moment I had was spent making something.
I had planned to spend the two weeks after Christmas reevaluating my professional goals, creating an editorial calendar, and getting my brain ready for the Altitude Summit blogging conference. I was going to spend two weeks visiting with family in Hawaii and getting my head wrapped around the shitty year that was 2013.
On December 19th my plans changed. On December 19th, my dad Richard Nelson, or as he was usually called, Dick Nelson, or as my kids called him, “Poppy Pants” passed away. He was shoveling the snow and because we didn’t do an autopsy we can never be sure, but we believe that he had a heart attack. Someday I will need to write about that day, but today is not the day for that.
I think that I will be working some things out, and I think that I would like to do that here. I know that sometimes the grief of others can be overwhelming. The world today can be a snarky and sarcastic place. It seems that rarely are people on the internet vulnerable and emotional. It’s so much easier to post pretty pictures and talk about surface level things. It’s much harder to engage and talk about what we are feeling.
My dad’s passing has ripped away all of my outer layers of protection. The armor I wear in the modern world to protect my soft self is on the fritz. I am a girl who hated even crying in movies, and now I find myself bawling on the cracker aisle of the grocery store. I have always kept my feelings under wraps, but it is impossible to stem the tide of what I am feeling. These emotions are gigantic waves and I am at their mercy.
Perhaps it will help to share my experience here. Perhaps not. All I can do is try it, right?
If you are interested, here is a link to my father’s obituary.January 12, 2014