Rock Bottom

You know how they say you have to hit rock bottom to want to change? Well, at least that’s what they say on television anyway. I feel like my last post was my rock bottom. Like the idea of my sweet girl being all alone and wondering where her mom was, it was a great impetus for change.

I know that I’m not a bad parent. I know that. I do feel myself slipping though, and that is the lemon juice to the paper cut. I know I can do better. After I wrote that post, I thought a lot about what I could do to change my current trajectory towards less of a parent than I had set out to be.

The first thing I did was to look at my habitat. For anyone living with children, you know it’s a fact that their needs/interests often overtake your environment. Not only that, but by the time you’ve set up something age appropriate, they’ve already outgrown it. In the eight years that we have lived in this house we have moved furniture, swapped rooms, and generally changed everything at least once a year in order to keep up with our needs.

My first step is always about organization. When things get really chaotic, I spin out of control. I know that if I have a good organizational foundation I can juggle a lot.

So I cleaned things out, I got us a giant calendar, and I talked to Brett & the girls about events. If it’s not on our giant calendar, then it isn’t going to happen. So if you have something important going on in this house, or if you know of something important going on in this house, you need to make sure it’s on the calendar.

I think so often that being the mom, you are expected to have it all together. I often do, but there are always moments that I don’t. It hurts to admit that there are times that I fail. As with any negative experience though, if you can learn and grow from it, then it is not a wasted experience.

I’m still in the process of getting our house into a situation where it is better serving our current needs. I am still in the process of getting some new organizational tools in place, or revising old systems. It feels good though. It feels like I am taking the proper steps to stay on target. Like a fighter pilot to the death star, I am using a whole lot of intuition to guide myself towards the parent and person I want to be.